As many people know I am a movie buff and that is putting it lightly. I especially love a good sci-fi or horror movie because they are so few and far between. When a good one comes along, however, it is EPIC. A few days ago I bought the movie Splice (I regret not renting it). I remember desperately wanting to see this movie in theaters, but my girlfriend would not attend this film along my side. I am also trying to limit the number of movies I go to alone...apparently it is an uncommon practice and eludes to a person being a couple of things. 1. The said person is desperately lonely. 2. The said person is a public masterbater. I am neither of these and I do go to flicks alone on occasion. I digress. Anyways I bought Splice on the basis that it had such potential to kick major ass. From what the previews lead the audience to believe is that some sort of genetic experiment went wrong and now there is some sort of human hybrid creature murdering innocent people. Seems like you have seen this movie before. Well you have, it is called Species and had some hot blonde that shows her breasts...instant classic. I really enjoyed the first Species and though that Splice might be something in the same ballpark and didn't mind the film riding on the coattail of Species. The first 30 minutes or so were pretty good. Two scientists Adrien Brody and Adrien Brody's nose are combining the DNA of like a billion different animals and leading to some scientific breakthroughs in cancer research. The pair, then want to introduce human DNA into the experiment. They are told not to do this that it is against the law, morals, ethics etc... Adrien Brody is fine with that, he does not want to take the risk Adrien Brody's nose (who I will now refer to as ABN) has another plan. It says screw it and puts its own DNA into the science project. Well, what is produced is a woman creature thing with weird eyes and a tail...it also looks like a chemo patient. Well Adrien Brody and ABN take different approaches to taking care of this being. Brody treats the thing like a lab rat and ABN treats it like a little child. Well this creates such confusion for this creature...I believe they name it DREN. DREN is NERD the company they work for backwards...super clever. Anyway they both end up falling in love with DREN and they both have sex with DREN. THE END.
I was expecting some blood and guts. Some suspense. Something. What I got was $20 of disappointment. The movie was essentially a love triangle with a science project. The director obviously has some sort of weird alien fetish because he included not one, but two awkward alien human sex scenes. The sex also led to a fight between Adrien Brody and his Nose. If Adrien Brody knows what is good for him he will stand down to the nose.
I feel like Adrien Brody's nose has started to call some of the shots and steel some of the stage from the actor that stunned audiences in The Pianist. The Jacket was the last good movie Brody made. After that his nose started taking away some of his thunder. King Kong another movie with great potential that the nose ruined. Seems the nose has a knack for unoriginal remakes of good movies. I mean the nose is a veritable force. Just look at it. It's huge. It looks like something from a coke addict's wet dream.
That is my rant for being thoroughly appalled by the movie Splice. If you though about seeing it...DON'T! If you do dare to defy my advice RENT DO NOT BUY. Maybe one day Adrien Brody will take back what his nose has stolen...HIS CAREER.
